Shopper Online - Horsefeathers

Give `em a cow

        There are reportedly eleven million illegal aliens in the USA and the number is growing in leaps and bounds. Our government finds it almost impossible to keep up with the number who come here each year, much less keep up with their location. This is not just an inconvenience but a very serious threat to our safety since most Muslims have declared war against us. They vow their aim is to kill every non-believer whom they have identified as any one who is not a Muslim.
     With hundreds, even thousands of miles of border and shore line to protect, the job seems almost impossible. You would think it would be equally as difficult to keep up with hundreds of cows that cross our borders each day, going in and out of our country. However we were able to locate a single dairy cow with Mad Cow Disease that came from Canada some three years before in a truck with many other cows and finally locate her in the state of Washington. We were also able to track all of her calves all the way to slaughter.
     Some will argue that the Muslims who have infiltrated our borders who are here to wreck havoc upon our society look just like the ones who say they are living here peacefully and claim to be our friends. Many people think all Holstein cows look alike and yet we were able to pick out a single Mad Cow from a two or three million others in just a short time.
     We may just not be able to see the forest for the trees. Our solution may be to give each illegal alien a cow when they sign up for their driver’s license. With California ready to give the illegal aliens a drivers license other states are bound to follow and soon. The Department of Agriculture would then take over the job of the FBI and CIA in locating those who wish to do harm to our country. Money saved by doing away with these two tracking agencies would more than pay for the cows.
     This would lead to the production of more cows and larger grain crops. It would be a boon to the steel industry. More barb wire for building fences to keep the cows at home and more wire for bailing hay to feed the cows would be needed. This alone could pull our sluggish economy out of the doldrums and cause the return of good times that we all dream about.
     There are some skeptics who say this wouldn’t work because we couldn’t force the new cow owners to keep the cow they were given. The solution to this would be to arrest the first one who got rid of their cow and sit him in a tub of pig guts and let it be known that any others without a cow would be given the same treatment. It is their belief that any contact with pork defiles them. This would make it impossible for the men to get to heaven where each of them would be entertained by seventeen virgins throughout eternity. (They don’t have near that good of a deal for women who make it to heaven.)
     Believe me the word would go through the Muslim community quicker than a big meal of Poke Salet would the diners at a spring pot luck dinner. I can guarantee that you would never see one of them who didn’t have their cow halter broke, and leading her everywhere they went.
In 1909 General John J. Pershing was appointed Military Governor of Jolo (Sulu) Providence of the Philippines. The problems he had with the Muslim insurgents led him to take drastic action. The first one he had arrested had a bucket of pig intestines poured on his head. He was turned loose and the word spread fast. This put a stop to the resistance. It worked for him.
     Why not try it now?

Horsefeathers Archives

What our readers are saying:

      I recently moved to Montague from Grapevine and really look forward to reading the “Horsefeathers” feature each week. I enjoy the humor and learning about the “good ole cowboy days”. It was a real pleasure getting to meet David and Clara his lovely wife at the Jim Bowie Restaurant and later at the Newport VFD fundraiser last year.
     I suggested to “Ms Vicky” at KCBI 98.3FM that she interview David Gregory for one of her “Old Cowboys” programs. I sure hope she gets around to doing it before David gets “bucked” off another horse.
     I also would like to know the history, the definition and the story behind the term “Horsefeathers”. There must be a real doozy of a story to tell concerning the origin of this term. If David doesn’t know all the story, he could fill in the blanks himself, with all that practical western and cowboy spun wisdom he has stored up from real experiences.
     Thank you for including such an enjoyable and entertaining feature in your paper.

Ken and Luella Jo Tharp
Greenbow Ranch, TX

P.S. We are sharing your web site with all of your friends across the US.

Mr. David Gregory,
I so much enjoy “Horsefeathers” as well as the rest of The Shopper. I was born in Clay county in ‘39 and attended school at Ringgold and Stoneburg. I’m attempting to relocate to Montague county. The Shopper and “Horsefeathers” helps me keep in touch with my roots. Many thanks and keep up the good work

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R L Mahaffey
Flora Vista, NM